Talent will get you nowhere in a reality TV talent show.
It’s not even about how you look.
It’s all about the back story.
Have a great back story and you’re halfway there to the shopping centre showcase tour of your life.
Being blind. Fantastic.
Losing your cousins in a house fire. Brilliant.
Going to war in Iraq, surviving an improvised bomb explosion, coming home to find the explosion made you impotent and then miracle upon miracles, you get your wife pregnant and then I want to do this power ballad for my miracle baby. Incredible*.
But some back stories don’t cut it. I was inspired to write all this when I saw a kid on The Voice who couldn’t sing. Her back story was that her grandmother died a few years ago. And last year there was another girl whose back story was that she used to have a big nose. No really. She used to have a big nose.
So coming up after the break, exclusive to Boxcutters, here’s The 31 Lamest Reality TV Talent Show Back Stories I Could Think Of.
(Note: I’ll happily take three points of your first recording advance if you want to use one of these back stories for your own TV appearance) Continue reading “31 Lamest Reality TV Back Stories” »